White Garments and a Post-It Note Jesus

Blogging feels overrated at times. But then again, so does everything in my life.

I have been a bug. Not a cute ladybug with carefully colored polka dots or a butterfly who has spread her feathered wings to take flight. I have been that bug on the windshield of your car, hanging on for dear, dear life while you repeatedly try to squash me with your windshield wipers. There was literally a hurricane threatening to demolish my life (and her name was Irene), but more importantly, there was also a metaphorical hurricane that was bringing so much rain and high speed winds to my life.

The good news: I am not a bug anymore.

A couple weeks ago, I went on a fall retreat with BCM. I had no expectations of insane experiences, but I should have. I was expecting late night Waffle House excursions and light-hearted conversations on the beach. And I got exactly that. But I also experienced God in insane ways. I was singing loudly Saturday night during our time of worship when I just felt the need to leave. Like get up out of my seat and walk out of the room. You just don’t do that in a Baptist group. People look at you and either think you’re crazy or you have problems controlling your bladder. But I couldn't sit there and let people's perceptions of me become more important than experiencing God. So the first chance I got, I jumped up and darted out the door, walking until found myself sitting in the sand, looking up at the cloudy sky and hoping to see God. And in that moment, it all spilled out. All the angry words I had for God burst from my mouth and exploded in the chill of the salty air. And God was there to take them all and reveal Himself to me in spite of my anger. He showed me the shadows in my life (yeah, it scared the mess out of me), and then allowed me to see the beautiful worship music my fellow BCMers were singing. Suddenly Jesus was sitting on the ground next to me giving me white garments to wear (Revelation 3:18) and I felt whole again. You can't wake up the next morning and be a bug when Jesus himself has clothed you in white the night before. 

The best part about seeing Jesus was His eyes. They were so colorful...but they reflected the faces of all the people He loved. That, my friends, is true beauty.

Pretty bizarre/awesome, right?

It gets better.

Jesus left my roommate and me post-it notes. We found hers as we strolled down King Street while avoiding a Western Civ study session. We had been talking about things she just felt like she couldn't do, settling back into that bug groove, when we spotted a random yellow post-it note on the wall of one of the buildings. It read: "You can do anything. I have faith in you. <3 J" Yeah. Crazy. It caught us both off guard. We both wandered, shell-shocked, down King Street. Jesus just wrote Courtney a post-it note. He's so real!!! It was really exciting. How do you go from that to studying?

Well, you don't.

I needed to calm my brain down, so I pulled out the book I was reading (Going All the Way by Craig Groeschel) and flipped through the pages. I came across a random blank post-it note stuck to one of the pages. Wait a second. Last time Craig Groeschel and I had a reading session, I wrote down a lie that I had been telling myself on a post-it note and stuck it in the book. And now, in addition to my lie, there was a blank post-it note? Yeah. Say whatever you will about it....what matters here is that in that moment, looking from my lie to the blank note, I realized that God erases lies. That’s what He does! That’s why He sent Jesus (John 3:16, 1 John 1:9): to erase the lies we tell ourselves. He FORGIVES.

So what do I do with that?

Philippians 2:5-13

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
 Who, being in very nature God,
  did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
rather, he made himself nothing
  by taking the very nature of a servant,
  being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
  he humbled himself
  by becoming obedient to death—
     even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
  and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
  in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord,
  to the glory of God the Father.

Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.

(Thanks to my lovely roommate for reading me these verses as I asked, in my bewilderment, “What do I do now??”)

Experiencing God is incredible. It transcends words. (Ironic then that I should be writing about it, right?) Whether He reveals Himself to you in a vision or in a post-it note, the important thing is that something changes as a result. I witnessed God’s unconditional forgiveness in two somewhat crazy and bizarre situations. And as a result, I am called to leave the heaviness behind, to walk around with the joy that can only emanate from Him, and to work out my salvation with fear and trembling.

I am also called to share it with others. Our greatest witness, as Christians, is our stories. We serve a personal God. So here is my story; here is my personal encounter with the Creator of the universe and the Author of my faith.

Acts 4:20
“We cannot stop telling about everything we have seen and heard.”

Guess what. I have seen and heard the living God. I have experienced His forgiveness in an unbelievably real way. And it’s AWESOME.

Thoughts on Leaving Charleston: Lessons Freshman Year Taught Me

1.       The importance of pillow talk—Courtney and I stayed up late so many nights just talking and catching up (we were both so busy this past semester). By the end of our conversations, we would be terrified to look at the time, knowing that it was probably some ungodly hour.  Yet, I was never tired the next day…

2.       What true community looks like—Props to Charleston BCM. I never realized how important it was to have a strong group of Christians supporting and encouraging you until this year.  Now I know.

3.       That Citadel cadets aren’t all bad—Yeah, I just said that. If you know me at all, you probably just fell on the floor.  That is quite a long story though…

4.       The best place to actually get studying done is at the Charleston Place Hotel—Who knew that staying up until 2 AM studying in a hotel would be a good idea???

5.       Discipleship is the bomb—I got Katie’s dust from her sandals all over me this year. And it was awesome! Seriously, though, having someone pour into me and mentor me has pushed me to think, live, and be deeper. And then getting to pour into someone else has made me rely so much more on God—on His wisdom, His strength, His guidance, His consistency.

6.       The worst things in Charleston are mosquitoes and tourists—Essentially, they’re the same thing, though.  They like to come out when it’s cool and just be pesky. And a lot of times, you just want to smack them. Yes, I was once a tourist.  But I have learned my lesson.

7.       The best memories are made when you’re spontaneous—Some of my favorite memories from the past year are from situations where everything seemed to be going wrong so we ended up at Waffle House doing Emperor Palpatine impressions or wandering through a dark alley near the Battery talking about past relationships or spotting dolphins out at Waterfront Park at midnight.  Spontaneity pays off.

8.       Watching “The Office” is more about friendship than Michael Scott’s witty remarks—Thursday nights at 9 o’clock almost always found me watching “The Office” with some of my best friends. I did it for them…not because I find “The Office” hilarious. It’s just a’ight.

9.       There are other college kids who want to spend the rest of their lives doing ministry and mission work—I feel less alone now. It’s great. They’re inspirational.

10.   How to own my faith—Before college, I just soaked in everything. Now, I filter it. I choose what I believe is true based on my understanding of what the Bible says and of what God is convicting me.  I applied for SummerSalt (it’s a summer camp) this year and didn’t get the position. But as I was filling out the application, I found myself challenged to put my beliefs into words and to support them. I have grown exponentially because of it.

11.   The best place to watch for shooting stars is Sullivan’s Island—Laying on the cool sand in the dark as the Sullivan’s Island lighthouse flashes overhead is quite an experience.  It’s the best place to have seriously deep or ridiculously light-hearted conversation. And you’re guaranteed to spot at least one shooting star if you’re patient enough. I couldn’t help thinking, I can’t believe I live HERE.

12.   That the word “blog” sounds like a disease—Eww! Did you hear she has a blog these days?? That’s so unfortunate.  Hopefully her doctor will be able to give her something to cure that up quickly. (Oh, the conversations that happen when college kids are running on approximately 4 hours of sleep.)

There’s more…so much more. But I fear this blog post is already too long.

Oh. Where is the paradox in this? Well, I went to College of Charleston, and in the midst of all the darkness, I learned to shine brighter.

Thoughts on Leaving Charleston: Goodbyes

The goodbyes of my freshman year lasted for an eternity.  I feel like the goodbyes began a month ago when everyone began to see the light at the end of this semester's tunnel.  It began with the last BCM, my last day at the Children's Museum. my last ESL class, my last time doing discipleship with Katie (we ate at Poe's and talked...it was a good last).  I know that I'll return in the fall to do it all over again, but it still felt like too much closure all at once.

And then it came time to say goodbye to the people in my life. Some of them I knew I'd see this summer. Some I knew would be mostly absent from my life for the entire summer.  And some I knew would not be returning in the fall.  I hate goodbyes.  If we're being completely honest, though, few people genuinely like goodbyes, right?  I avoided them as much as possible during my last week, carefully selecting the phrases "I'll see you later" and "I'll talk to you soon" instead of submitting to the goodbye.

An incredible last day in Charleston surpassed my expectations: Star Wars marathons, sushi, sitting in my car just talking with my roommate for hours in the dark.  But the next morning, when my roommate and I stood outside our dorm room which had been completely emptied of our stuff but not our memories, the goodbyes hit hard.  I just stood there, clutching my fish bowl and a broom as she pulled the door of Buist 404 closed for the final time.  I drove out of Charleston blasting the Passion Awakening CD.  It was unbelievably dusty in my car and I involuntarily teared up a little. (That's a lie.  I cried like a baby through the first six songs on the CD and then sniffled the rest of the way home.)

Freshman year was over.

I happily said goodbye forever to chemistry, math, the semi-warm showers of Buist....

The rest of my goodbyes, though, were a little more bittersweet.  I don't know what next year will hold.  But I've officially given in to the goodbyes of freshman year.