The Awkward Blogpost

Something inside of me has been rebelling against the word "awkward" for a while now. It's so much a part of my generation. Every encounter is ranked on a scale of 1 to 100: how awkward was it?

Eating dry cereal for breakfast: 12
Walking down a long hallway toward someone you know and having to decide when to say hello and where to look the whole time: 46
Getting a Facebook message from someone who likes you a whole lot more than you like them: 78
Accidentally starting to pray at the same time as someone else during popcorn prayer: 107!

I propose that the only reason we interpret all of life's events as awkward or not awkward is because of the existence and popularity of the word "awkward" itself. Really, it's an awkward situation. Back when I was a small child (to clarify...that could mean 6 or 9 or 15), the word wasn't popular. There wasn't much concept of awkwardness. Things were weird. Things were different. Things were uncomfortable. I didn't know what to do with my hands. Life was less awkward for me because I didn't know what awkwardness was. I didn't understand that one day I would see a Citadel cadet running down Calhoun St. in the center of April at 1:16 in the afternoon wearing a beanie and comment on how awkward it was.

We create awkwardness in ourselves and in our society by having and using the word. Suddenly, any feeling that isn't complete happiness is translated into awkwardness. Even the idea of awkwardness is awkward. Awkwardness is taking over the American culture. Everyone loves Zooey Deschanel. Quirky is the new normal. Awkward is the new everything.

I think more people get drunk and get more drunk now because of the word. It's a reason to drink: I feel awkward around lots of people. I feel awkward dancing. I feel awkward when I'm not drinking and the people around me are. The drunk people around me are awkward and it makes me feel more awkward. The solution: Drink away the awkwardness. I don't know about this. I don't drink. I just think about alcohol and awkwardness. What a pair they must be!

I don't like when my hands smell like food. It's distracting. I try to accomplish things, but I smell onions and remember the pizza I had for lunch and don't accomplish anything.

I tried to replace the word "awkward" with "stupid," but it was an awkward/stupid idea. It didn't mean anything. It was like using "laughing my feathery armpits off" instead of its less polite counterpart. Essentially, you mean the same thing, but for some reason--morality concerns, nearness of children, speech impediment or hearing impairment--you just replaced the "bad" words with "better" ones. It doesn't change the concept. Instead of saying "I laughed so hard it was awkward," I tried to say "I laughed so hard it was stupid." Nothing. No difference. Apples and oranges.

Mr. Tony of "PTI" and "The Tony Kornheiser Show" likes to say, "The kids have a word for that these days: awkward!" He also likes to do the penguin dance.

Someone somewhere decided to call this postmodernism. It's really just awareness of the language I'm using and how it shapes my thoughts and perceptions. But that's not official enough to teach an entire Western Civ lecture about so they call it "postmodernism." I like things that are meta and postmodern...like "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" and "The Office." I like when things think about themselves, what they're doing, why they're doing it, and then make fun of themselves. I wish the word "awkward" were more aware of itself. I wish mini microwaves existed named "Hitler." I like that I can use quotes and throw everything's "meaning" into "question." It feels like power.

Maybe technology makes us awkward. We text and message and chat...via technology. And so we're hyper-aware of ourselves when we experience real, face-to-face interactions with other humans. Suddenly, without the assistance of emoticons and "lolz," we don't know where to put our smile or our arms and it's awkward. But technology can only make us awkward because the word "awkward" exists and allows us to understand the concept of awkwardness.

The elevator in my building got angry and then tried to take me to the fourth dimension today. It was awkward.
Autocorrect on my iPad changed "wuwei" to "Susie" in my Religions of China and Japan term paper and it was awkward.
I listened to song by Jude Moses called "Mistaken Hands" and thought he was singing: "I'll make you sufferrr. I'll make you die." He was actually singing, "I'm make you supper. I'll serve you wine." It was awkward.



I wrote a blogpost about awkwardness and how much the word affects our lives and it was awkward.

I feel like the Knights Who Say Ni...because I can't stop saying the word "awkward." Ah! I said that awkward word again! Ah! It's so awkward that I can't stop saying it! Now I feel even more awkward! Ah!!!

I fear that if we stop the word now, we will lose ourselves. What will happen to our skepticism and cynicism? What will happen to self-awareness and these feelings inside of us that alert to awkward moments? Remember awkward turtle? I liked to make up random awkward animals when I was in high school. I felt cool when I did it. I wasn't. I was just another teenager with braces, lame jokes, and "original" ideas, the very definition of "awkward." Henceforth, you can just call me "Awkward posterchild."


Coming soon: The Hipster Blogpost
A look at the word "hipster" and an explanation for why they burn their tongues all the time.

(Not really...I just wanted to make you feel awkward about another popular word/cultural phenomenon. You're welcome.)