This is not my life.

It's true.


What defines a life? Breathing, heart beating, mind reeling? A purpose, a family, love, passion, embracing every moment?
I do not belong to myself.
I lost myself a long time ago.

"If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give it up for me, you will find it." Matthew 10:39

I've always seen paradoxes in life.  For me, there's a beauty to the fact that truths can seem completely contradictory yet they collaborate to create a greater sense of truth. We all question truth. What really is true? Is truth different for everyone? What truths are meaningful in our lives? What do we do with paradoxical truths?

Sitting in my high school English class during lectures, I would always lean forward and whisper one word to the back of my friend's head: "Paradox." He would laugh and it because a joke between us--my obsession with finding paradoxes.  And that's when I found the greatest paradox of all: I had lost my life so that it could be saved.  How is that possible? You can't give up your life while simultaneously saving it, right? Sure...you can't.  But God can. When Jesus entered the equation, our inadequacies and brokenness  no longer belonged to us.  He took them and paid the price for them. Paradox. Now, we who are born to sin can be forgiven and defy sinful nature. Paradox. We who are depraved can have a relationship with a holy God. Paradox.  We can choose to give up our lives and in choosing to do so, Jesus is the means by which our lives can be saved...eternal life! Paradox. So my life is a paradox.  Except, this is not my life.  Now, my life belongs to Christ.  It's a beautiful paradox: This is not my life.  If it were, it wouldn't matter.  Since it's not, it matters greatly.